Enjoy the Journey

I really do know that I am loved by a Father in Heaven who truly does know who I am and in this month of February He has been by my side hour after hour, helping me through it. Along the way, through talks at church, and articles in the Ensign, and just lifes lessons, I have probably been instructed to enjoy the journey more than I care to admit. But see He knows that it takes a really big kick in my pants for me to recognize what He is trying to teach me. So for all of the rest of you who have had to listen to all of the Enjoy the Journey talks and events this month, I want you to know I finally get it and it was totally for me. Don't you ever feel that way, when you are listening to a talk and all of a sudden you have a lightbulb moment. My bulb finally turned on!!! (It always takes me a while). The month began after a really full enjoyable January. I was actually looking forward to some down time maybe and a trip to St. George for a wonderful wedding, when it happened. Ground Hog Day!!! I actually have never seen the movie, but I do believe I lived the movie all over again. Herb's mom had been coughing for a week or more and finally I made an appointment to get her in for a check up. Pneumonia they suspected, but an X-ray was needed and antibiotics. I am no stranger to pneumonia (or however you spell it), I get it all of the time, so I know the routine, but something changed, her heart began to beat irregularly and so they decided it would be best to take her to the ER at the heart hospital. Here is where the real journey begins!!! After a tons of test and a ton of hours, they finally admitted her and I went home at about quarter to 1 in the a.m. 13 long hours, but now I knew she would be able to get better and all would be well in Zion!!! 4 days in the hospital and then they sent her home. Home for us to care for. No training, no help for our little family, we just were on our own. So I thought "well here we go"! I had a wonderful example in my mother who took such great care of her mother in law. I could do this for sure. All the family helped, we took turns visiting, laughing, crying, whatever it took to keep her clean, and hopefully on the way to recovery. This was not to be, for the following Monday (after the showering was conquered!) I thought for sure I had killed her. So I called Cina and she came running to my rescue for the umteenth time! We ended up calling 911 and again it was Groundhog day all over!! 12 more hours, tons more tests, double pnuemonia this time and finally she is admitted. Wew we thought, that wasn't too bad, we will get to bed early this time. NOT!!! She went into A-fibrulation (or whatever) which can cause a stroke at any minute. Cina and I paced and laughed and paced and joked around with all the staff until 4:00 a.m. and then they finally got her stable and we went home. The journey was ever so much fun and for the next week we all took turns at the hospital until the following Monday (again with the groundhog day moment) she was taken to the re-hab center and we began the daily treks to a new place. Long story longer..... she is now home since last monday for good. We are now under the care of Hospice and have learned many many many did I say many lessons along the way. Life gives you all kinds of challenges and now we must face the fact that mom is not going to get better we just need to take the best care we can of her for whatever time Heavenly Father needs her to be with us. Now you would think that she is just laying around doing nothing. Well at least that is what I would think having faced an entire month of hospitals and her doing just that. We got all of the instructions from the hospice care nurses and home she came. So much information my mind was boggled (which really does not take a ton) but I kept saying "I can do this, I can do this," We got her settled in Monday night and then yesterday the real life journey began. What I thought was going to be a piece of cake, really isn't. The things they lead you to believe are not always what the reality is. So man did I get an education in a day. It is all on us. The changing of the diapers, the cleaning of the beds, the getting her up to walk and trying to get her eat and oh the meds, tooooooooo many to keep track up, but we have to. So the most unorganized person in the world has now been put in charge of organizing this life for mom. I am learning a ton, in fact in the past couple of days I feel a little bit intelligent!!! Go figure. I actually sound like I know what I am doing, when in fact I know nothing!!! I even have the nurses fooled that I know what I am doing. So I will keep up that facade!!! And press forward. Overwhelmed to say the least is actually what I was feeling yesterday and then I went last night the Stake Relief Society Night and guess what the title was.... You got it "Enjoy the Journey" So as I looked back on this past month and the journey that I am taking right now in my life I have decided that I will do just that. I WILL ENJOY THE JOURNEY, for however long I am on it and it will be an incredible journey for sure. Although yesterday was a ton of learning and trying to fit it all into a small 24 hours, I look back this morning and if I put away the hard stuff, we had a really fun day. Mom was at her best, I found her sitting on the edge of her bed, eating a bowl of cereal and talking and laughing up a storm. She dug through old pictures and went down memory lane for the whole day. She bravely took all her meds and walked the hall to that a bathroom a number of times for me. Got dressed in her pretty new little house dress and really just kept us guessing as to what she would do next. I think that she is intending on enjoying this journey as well. And why not, she deserves to be taken care of the best we can and hopefully we can enjoy it with her. I know that the days are going to be really crazy and full and some are definately going to be better then others for sure, but along the way I intend on making the best memories I can. In listening to every single story and looking at every single picture and not sweating the small stuff. I have learned a ton so far, just think how smart I will be when this journey ends. So as the days and weeks, and months and forevers go along, I intend on enjoying each one of them. Pray for us big time, it is not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. I am not a good journal keeper and so this will be my outlet to keeping the memories alive for me and for my family. I am taking my camera with me today to capture a few memories to share in this journaling. Forgive me for my babbling, but I don't want to forget a minute, especially the difficult ones. Thanks for all of you who are so supportive, and for the next while you will need to call my cell phone (480) 620-3636. I won't be home. I will be spending my days with a wonderful mother in my life who raised an amazing son and let me have him. I will be listening to her stories and changing her diapers, and giving her showers, and meds and hugs and kisses, and helping her to have a wonderful rest of her life. I will be ENJOYING THE JOURNEY for sure.